Moi believes that adults have free will and the right to choose their particular lifestyle. What they do not have the right to do is to adversely affect the life of another person by their ill-advised and poor choices. So, it comes as no so surprise that in the latest survey or list, people who have by and large made poor choices want to advocate and affirm those poor choices for others. Jessica Hopper is reporting at ABC News, Is Marriage Obsolete?
Not only are more marriages on the rocks these days, so is marriage itself, according to a new study by the Pew Research Center.
A survey of 2,691 Americans done in association with Time magazine found that nearly four in 10 Americans think marriage is becoming obsolete. That’s an 11 percent spike since 1978, when Time asked the same question.
“Marriage is still very important in this country, but it doesn’t dominate family life like it used to,” Andrew Cherlin, a professor of sociology and public policy at John Hopkins University, told the Associated Press.
Younger people are leading the way in redefining what marriage means. Forty-four percent of those between the ages of 18 and 29 saw marriage as obsolete, compared to 32 percent of those 65 and older.
Other groups more likely to see marriage as a fading institution included blacks, at 44 percent, those with a high school diploma or less, at 44 percent, and people who made $30,000 or less a year, at 48 percent.
Young People Marrying Less and Less
Census data have shown that younger people are marrying less and less, and when they marry, they’re generally older.
The median age of when one first gets married is at its highest point ever. For women, it’s 26.1 years of age, and for men, it’s 28.2.
On top of that, for the first time in half a century, the number of unmarried people between the ages of 25 and 34 outnumbers the number of married people in the same age range.
African Americans have often been the canaries in the coal mine warning of disaster in this society. See, A Disaster Much Bigger Than Hurricane Katrina: Black Unwed Births and Hard Truths: The Failure of the Black Family and Black Male Achievement
In Info 101: Relationship Meltdown and the Effect on Children moi said:
Recently, a Seattle Times blog posted this story about Kourtney Karadashian
Kourtney Karadashian conceived a child with her ex-fiance after forgetting to take a contraceptive pill. The 30-year-old reality star revealed her news on Wednesday, following it up by confirming she had reunited with former beau Scott Disick after learning she was expecting his child. Now Kardashian confesses the pregnancy is down to her “stupidity” and bad memory. During an appearance on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show on Wednesday, she admits, “This probably sounds so dumb, but there’s so many times I’ll forget to take my pill and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It’s just so stupid.”
A couple of points come to mind. First there is the ubiquitous off/on again fiancée which, I discuss in my article Children, Especially Boys, Need Positive Male Role Models Next, this woman is going on a journey with this child or children which if her past history predicts the future means several serial relationships or multiple relationships at a point in time. This child will be taken along for the ride. For many children, with a parent or parents with Ms. Karadashian’s history, the ride is a bumpy one.
What Makes a Healthy Child?
Dr. Laurence Steinberg has 10 Principles of Good Parenting which he explains….
Children need consistent and stable environments. In order to provide these stable environments, children must rely on parents and guardians. The stability of the caretaker and the caretaker’s relationship or relationships impact the stability of the child….
Marriage and Cohabitation
What is Cohabitation?
The U.S. Censushas the following information about unmarried couples who live together. There has been a significant increase in cohabitating households with children….
There are several questions about what the rise in cohabitating relationships means for children. The issues are will there be a corresponding rise in attachment related disorders where children have difficulty bonding and feeling empathy for others. Wilcox and Dew looked at the potential for abuse of children from unrelated males in Protectors or Perpetrators In one study, the Urban Institute found…
An Ohio State University study found that daughters who cohabitate are more likely to cohabit as well….
Without getting into a discussion of values or morals, but simply examining what situations are more likely than not to provide the greatest number of children with a consistent, stable, and caring environment, cohabitation is probably not ideal. Of course, people will point to that one couple who has raised healthy children while cohabitating, in statistics, they are called outliers.
The Difference for Children Between Marriage and Cohabitation
Marriage offers many legal and economic protections, which may not be available to those who cohabit. The primary effects on children deal with level of commitment of the partners and the economics of marriage vs. cohabitation.Bethany Anderson looks at the Economics of Cohabitation
The difference for children centers on the stability of the economic relationship and whether they will benefit if the stronger economic partner, often the noncustodial partner has any obligation to support them. Joanna Reed discusses the stability of cohabitation and the effect on children
What two consenting adults agree to really is between them. The dynamic changes when there are children involved. Thorne in a 2001 thesis said this about the effect of a child not having a father
What this survey does not report is the number of the survey respondents who are willing to be responsible for their choices and the effects of those choices on the children they create?
The blog has reported the actions of Detroit Prosecutor Kim Worthy’s attempts to undue some of the damage caused by incompetent and uncaring parents. See, Parents Must Be Part of the Education Equation and Hard Truths: The Failure of the Black Family and Black Male Achievement Another example of a parent overcome by challenges is CBS NY story, Straight Out of Hollywood: Principal Makes A House Call
In a famous scene from the comedy “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” a principal makes an unannounced house call to check up on a student who didn’t show up to school.
When it happened in real life for a family in Orange County, though, it was no laughing matter, reports CBS 2’s Lou Young.
The principal is a well-liked former lieutenant colonel in the Army with a no-nonsense demeanor.
The two students, ages 12 and 16, live at the home with their mother.
A criminal complaint alleges Chester Academy Principal Ernest Jackson entered the home without permission when the two boys didn’t come to school in late September, and actually tried to coax them out of their beds.
“You don’t walk into someone’s house,” Melanie Hunter said. “I could’ve been coming out of the shower.”
Jackson had a school psychologist with him during the unannounced visit. The boys’ mother wasn’t home, and there’s dispute over whether an adult relative passing by gave them permission to enter the home. The boys’ father, living in Brooklyn, filed the complaint a month after the incident.
Prosecutor Worthy and Principal Jackson are reflecting the frustration of many educators and politicians who know that the lifestyle choices of many are simply ensuring that the children they produce become members of the permanent economic underclass or criminal class. No, moi does not want bed checks in this society, but people who are are not in permanent committed and stable relationships should not have children, there is simply too much damage caused by these transitory relationships. As for the brain-dead women who continue to have children with men who have no intention of, not only marrying them, but sticking around to help raise the child(ren). Girlfriend, as they say on Wheel of Fortune, “buy a clue.” Before you even think about having a child, listen to Beyonce’s lyrics Single Ladies
….All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up, I’m doing my own little thing
Decided to dip and now you wanna trip
‘Cause another brother noticed me
I’m up on him, he up on me
Don’t pay him any attention
Just cried my tears, for three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me
‘Cause if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
‘Cause if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ….
Not only will you save your life, you will save the lives of your child(ren)
How to Raise A Healthy Happy Child
The Importance of Play in Child Development
Protectors or Perpetrators
Questions to Ask Before You Divorce
How Can I Get A Good Divorce
Just Whom is This Divorce Good For?
Divorce as Friends
The Effects of Marriage and Divorce on Families
Divorce, What to Tell Your Children
Tell Your Children About Your Divorce
When to Seek Counseling
Helping Kids Cope With a Breakup
Dr. Wilda may be contacted at email@example.com
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