The Hamptons is a great place to vacation to, live in, and enjoy. Here are the five best ways to improve the area based upon my 28 years of observation.
5) A lot of farm land has been, and is still being, sold off to ultimately be rezoned for residential means. Sure, everyone wants a new address in the Hamptons. But here’s a better solution. Move the Amagansett and Bridgehampton schools that are currently on Rt. 27 to the farm land. This would cut out the 20 mph restriction on the Hamptons’ only main road. The current school buildings could be converted into office space or condos. The athletic fields behind them could be broken into home sites and new addresses would be created! A public and private investment would be needed to make this happen. All said and done, the total cost would probably be half a billion dollars. Cheap!
4) Montauk is slowly falling into the ocean. The cliffs, which give Montauk its unique beach experience, are eroding. Both rain water runoff and ocean swells play a role. One solution — build a barrier island off of Montauk’s southern shore. The island would be ecologically debatable. Commercial and sport fishers would be challenged. The endless horizon seascape would forever be blemished. But, Montauk would at least remain on the map. The cost would probably be about 10 billion dollars.
3) So, we don’t have 10 billion dollars to spend on saving Montauk? So, let’s hasten its inevitable demise by blowing up the cliffs and letting the Atlantic swallow the place up. The new “Montauk Reef” would be a SCUBA paradise, fishing goldmine, underwater archeological Mecca, and, most likely, a really cool Discovery Channel special. Total cost is no more than some dynamite.
2) The LIRR sees the Hamptons as one big deer on the tracks. Not only is there very little service, but there’s no dedicated local service. The Hamptons’ railroad stops are as charming as a dental cleaning. The reason is that they’re used as the hang out for day laborers and not launching pads for economical transit. Get a couple of train cars and create the Hamptons Trolley. Zip up and down between all the villages, offer wifi, sell goodies, employ some security guards, and have a consistent schedule that includes morning commute and bar-crowd evening runs. Hey, might as well have a “bar car” while we’re at it. Cost: it pays for itself by cutting traffic.
1) Hey, weatherman! It’s windy out here in the Hamptons. Why do zoning laws prohibit building higher than two stories and yet we have power poles that soar on forever. Sure, the eye-sore power lines are convenient bridges for squirrels needing to cross the road. But, LIPA and National Grid have shovels. Go to the train stations, pick up some guys, start digging, and put those power lines underground. What to do with the current poles? They could be used as pylons for the Montauk’s barrier island. Such a project would not only take years to finish, but would easily cost a billion dollars.
Ok, everyone get out their wallets, contribute what you have, and let’s improve this place already.