How to Free Yourself From Abuse
As an abuse victim you really need to understand that you are just as much in need of help to change your way of thinking as the abuser is. For domestic violence to occur; both an abuser and a victim are necessary. Domestic violence is not your fault but stopping it IS your responsibility. Don’t accept responsibility for your abusers actions but DO accept responsibility for your own. Being free of abuse begins in your own thinking. You must determine NOT to be a victim. You must find your personal worth outside of a relationship, find or develop a support network, set personal boundaries and stick to them, and leave and stay away at the first sign of abuse.
Concerned friends, family, clergy, and abuse support counselors can only assist you in getting out of and staying away from an abusive relationship. But the decision to be free of abuse can only come from you. You need to get tough and determined and essentially harden your own emotions. As an abuse victim, emotions are your enemy because emotions are irrational and deceptive. Emotions can and are manipulated in an abusive environment; therefore, they cannot be trusted.
So what do you trust? You trust your gut, your instincts, your spirit; that is that deep down feeling that warns you when something isn’t right. That part you push aside by minimizing your abuse, by making excuses for your abuser, by accepting responsibility for someone else’s feelings or actions, by telling yourself that things will change if you just try harder or if you love your abuser more…
You can also trust the concerns of friends and family. They will almost always pick up on things that you are trying to ignore. If several different people are expressing concern over your relationship or your mate then you most likely should assess your situation. If you feel confused or afraid then don’t hesitate to seek out advice and help.
The first order of business is to begin building a network of support. This could be close friends, family, clergy, domestic abuse counselors, or online support groups. You can easily find phone numbers to local domestic violence shelters or counselors. You can also call the national Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-888-799-SAFE. Any church can also put you in touch with the help you need. You can use them as a resource even if it isn’t a church you attend.
It is not always possible to have the freedom to leave your home and meet with people to discuss your situation. Online support groups can be a valuable resource but you do have to be careful to not leave tracks on the computer of where you have been. I am a huge believer that you can Google virtually anything. If you are going to use your computer to research and utilize help, you will need to educate yourself on how to cover your tracks. To learn how to do this so that your abuser doesn’t know that you are searching for answers and help, Google this line and educate yourself: “how to clear my computer history from an abuser” Then when you feel confident that you know how to purge your computer history, you can do searches with titles such as; “online abuse support groups”. Places like these can help you figure out more specifically what type of abuse and abuser you are dealing with. They can also help you figure out if it is a situation that you may want to try to stick with and try to work out or if it is severe enough that you need to get out of it as quickly as possible.
The road to freedom is not an easy one. It requires hard work and determination but the rewards far outweigh the work. The fight is for your very life and freedom. I remember when I broke free from abuse. You know, there’s that one moment when it really sinks in; “I’m Free!”
There’s nothing like that feeling when you come to the realization that you have a second chance at life to make it anything you want; a fresh opportunity to make the right choices so you can live a full life free of abuse.
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