So you’re in a long term dating relationship and you want marriage. He’s in a long term relationship with you but he is content. You mention marriage and he becomes silent. What’s going on? He tells you he loves you, shares everything of significance with you but still no ring!
I received an email yesterday from a woman who is frustrated with her current relationship. She’s not frustrated because it’s unfulfilling; the relationship is rewarding, nurturing, and loving. However, after a four year courtship, her boyfriend can live happily ever after just the way it stands currently. I’m sure she’s not the only woman who has ever experienced this irritation with the man in her life.
No excuses can be made to discredit her feelings or his for that matter, but what we do know is that men see marriage totally different than women. If you have gotten lucky enough to find a guy who is not afraid of commitment on paper, then you’re truly ahead of the game. However, you still have to be aware of the underlining factors that may play a role in his ability to stay the way you are.
When 1,533 men were surveyed as to why they had not married, their responses covered a broad spectrum of valid reasons to stay single. It was found that money played a significant role in their decision. Men that are not doing so well financially felt like they have nothing to offer; men that are doing very well are terrified as to what a divorce could do to their finances. In addition, some men said they have such a high regard for marriage that they don’t want to mess it up. Finally, it was found that some men are simply terrified of choosing the wrong woman.
Personally, I think that men need some encouragement. If you behave as if your current dating status is fine, then do expect to always be a bridesmaid. From the women I have recently spoken with I found a common thread: they made their “then” boyfriends aware that marriage was MANDATORY. Let’s face it, some of their “now” husbands admit that there was never a question of love for the women in their lives but that they hadn’t determined that marriage was the option for them and believed that their mates were just as comfortable as they were. It’s up to you to let your “now” boyfriends know that you plan on being “then wives” in the future. You may find that he is just as eager to commit and build a life with you. Key to it all is to know that if marriage is not mandatory with you, it’s not an option with him.
For more information on the topic, pick up Men and Marriage By George F. Gilder and Why Men Fear Marriage: The Surprising Truth Behind Why So Many Men Can’t Commit By R. M. Johnson.