Ahhh had I known this as truth my life would’ve been easier up until now, to say the least. You can’t change people, people! As the Serenity Prayer states, “accept the things we cannot change, change those things we can and have the wisdom to know the difference.”
I had an epiphany a few weeks ago…and I will share it with you:
I was driving (yes I am an aggressive driver however only if you’re on your cell phone going 20 in a 35 not paying attention) behind a woman who finally pulled into another lane and let me drive by. This occurred right outside Walgreens. I pulled into the pharmacy drive-thru (the one next to the window) and proceeded to pick up a prescription (hormones, for more stories on that whole issue please see my blog My Menopause Monologues).
I’m facing the pharmacy window and hear this yelling. I turn to the other side and this lady is nearly falling out of her (series 7 BMW) car window screaming at me. I rolled my window down and said “Excuse me?”
“…tailing me….should’ve been first in line…need to fill my prescription…just left dentist…”
She didn’t stop screaming for a second! When she finally did, to breathe, I said, “I’m sorry for tailing you, you can get your prescription filled first.”
What did she do? (This is where I had the epiphany that we can never change people)
She continued screaming. She didn’t hear a word I said. And that is when I realized, no matter how hard I try to make people like me, earn people’s friendship, etc. I cannot change them. And if they choose to act like immature little people, that is fine. I cannot change them. I cannot make people like me and I cannot make people try to like me. I just need to be me, wonderful me!
The story goes on of course…never a dull moment with me. The next thing out of her mouth was, “beotch, I’m gonna f*** you up”
No I wasn’t scared. Actually I’m surprised too. She threw her car into reverse, careened around the lanes and slammed her car into drive. If it hadn’t been a series 7 BMW I’m quite sure she would’ve driven right into my Envoy.
I proceed to sign the credit card sheet and gather my prescription to leave the pharmacy drive-thru. But, miss lady had other plans. She got out of her car and walked right up to my window. Still screaming.
She didn’t stop to breathe, didn’t stop to let me say anything. And although I did apologize for tailing her and did offer to let her go before me, I wasn’t sorry for tailing her because she was talking on her cell phone not paying attention, and she clearly needed anger management classes more than her Vicodin.
How does this related to dating and relationships in Kansas City? Simple. You cannot change people. Whether your boyfriend never unloads the dishwasher or his mother doesn’t get your name right, you will never change that. Whether your girlfriend’s dad won’t talk to you or her friends are mean to you, you will never change that.
Your partner is with you because they love you and you need to a) pick your battles – does the unloading of the dishwasher really matter that much? and b) realize by them being with you that is the biggest statement they could possibly make. Nothing their friends or family can say will make any difference.
So, don’t worry about changing anyone. Just be you, and everything else will fall into place.