It was Saturday night with nothing much going on
Until I saw a bunch of people on the Coliseum lawn
“Roller derby tonight!” read the sign up above
And little did I know I would fall in derby love.
I walked on inside, not sure what I would see
When the suicide seats began calling out to me.
Sitting on the track admittedly brought a little fear
Especially if Dill and Brownie busted me for spilling beer.
Next thing I knew, the crowd was on its feet
According to the program, the Dames we were about to meet
Suddenly the red and black came skating quickly through
And the crowd and I started chanting loudly, “DCRD! WOO!”
Our Dames Captain Full Throttle and Co-captain Steff U
Led the pack of Abbs of Steel and Terra Firmer too.
Dill and Brownie then announced Chas D Belt and Mourning Glory
The crowd went wild just as it does when the father is found on Maury!
I stared and watched in wonder as the Emforcer skated by
And Tiffie Twister and Uma Plata were set to make the other team cry.
I’d never want to race Speed RaceHer even if I ran in shoes
Her speed and that of Deflower Power would make me pay my dues.
Kin’ney Shot and Hip Chick fueled my new skating addiction
While Sprintin’ Tarantino made me yearn for Pulp Fiction.
Hippie Longstalking was dressed to the nines
Her rainbow socks and braids left opponents behind.
Next on the track came Velveteen Rabid
Getting in her way better not be a habit.
The final two Dames made their way to the floor
MoraLie Corrupt and Eville Pollock – ready to help their team score.
Before too much longer, the crowd was on its feet
The Dames crushed the other team and the bout was complete
However, the excitement was still in the air
As the Dynamite Dolls for their bout did prepare.
“Roll hard or roll home” was all I could hear
The Dolls’ opponents began to show fear
The “Bitter-Pain” combo did suddenly appear
With their names on their shorts to make the threat clear
After “eating two cities” with “spikes” on her head
Godjilla immediately filled the other team with dread
She’s speedy, she’s quick and if you blink, you’ll miss her
Her plan for tonight? Pow! Right in the kisser!
Jetsy and Spanky, set for the attack
They’ll knock ‘em all down and never look back.
Macabrera and Dooks, a formidable pair
Strike fear in opponents with just one steely glare
Bangs and Lilith and Steel Stitches too
Had absolutely no doubt what they came to do
They’re blockin’, they’re jammin’, they’re doin’ their thing
To every single bout, their best they bring.
Mary N. Malice and Megan M. Hurt
Should have “Superstar” on the back of their shirt
And then there’s the popular Ms. Latin Shover
The crowd never fails to show how much they love her.
Our final two Dolls are B. Dawn and Elle
They know how to block and they sure do it well
Demolition City girls know how to win
Come back next month and watch them do it again!