It was thirty years ago today that Mark David Chapman hovered around outside John Lennon’s Dakota Apartment building, gun in hand, waiting for Lennon to appear. When he did, Chapman shot him down, and the world went into mourning (Chapman, on the other hand, went into a quaint, little cell in Attica, like the douche that he is). Three decades later, Lennon’s death is just as tragic as it was on the day in 1980, and it’s still just as weird. Let’s talk it over below, my gentle Examiner readers…
John Lennon– as you may have heard– died 30 years ago today, in New York City, at the tragically young age of 40. In the years prior, Lennon had been the de facto leader of The Beatles (and, look, if you’re a die-hard Paul fan and you take issue with that statement, please remain calm), but those days he was working on solo material. Lennon’s solo output was just as impressive– if not moreso– than anything he ever did with Paul, George, and Ringo, but Chapman’s bullet cut it all short. There would be no Beatles reunion tour, no further Lennon solo-albums, no more protests. It was a big deal.
Whenever a celebrity dies, it’s kinda shocking, but Lennon’s death remains the most shocking celebrity death of all time. Can you think of a celebrity who died in a more shocking, unexpected manner? Jim Morrison was virtually begging the Grim Reaper to pay him a visit for years, jamming whatever he could find into his trusty syringe and drinking bottles of Jack Daniels like he was getting paid to do it. Elvis Presley disentigrated before the public’s eyes for years, eating himself into obesity, obviously ignoring the (good) advice of his (actual) doctors and eating prescription pills like Tic-Tacs. Kurt Cobain was excessively emo, a heroin addict, and married to Courtney Love: that suicide was bound to happen.
But Lennon? Who would want to kill John Lennon?
The theories are legion, and we’ve put together a list of our three favorite conspiracy theories. Do we buy any of these? Hell, no. Are we interested in recounting them in all their hysterical glory? You bet your ass. Here they are, from least-likely to most least-likely (that’s not a misprint):
1. THE CATCHER IN THE RYE THEORY
There’s a prevailing theory that Mark David Chapman’s copy of JD Salinger’s The Catcher in The Rye had something to do with Lennon’s death. Of course, it could just be a book about a loner that a loner read and felt a certain kinship to, but that would be too easy. No, what’s far more likely is that The Catcher in The Rye is actually used to kick-start assassinations by the FBI, CIA, and various other governmental agencies through something called “artificial model psychosis”. Say what? Exactly. Here’s HiddenMysteries.org’s take on it:
What we can no deduct (sic) here is that the government has secretly continued to develop this highly classified technique to eliminate all human contact between the assassin and his “inducer”. Thus Chapman first became the victim of the artificial model psychosis, then received highly sophisticated subliminal instructions to CHANT “JOHN LENNON MUST DIE SAYS THE CATCHER IN THE RYE” so that he psyched himself up.
Um. OK? Anyone who’s ever seen Mel Gibson’s Conspiracy Theory probably remembers this one– what with its ties to MKUltra and all that– so let’s move on to another one, a conspiracy theory with some bite…
2. THE GUY WHO WROTE A BOOK ABOUT LENNON THEORY
Over at Salvador Astucia’s website, the code has been cracked. Not only did Mark David Chapman not murder John Lennon, but there were two assassins working in collusion, and one of them is none other than Robert Rosen, author of the book Nowhere Man: The Final Days of John Lennon. That’s a fairly well-known book for Lennon fans, so obviously it comes as a bit of a surprise that the author would have been behind the murder of his subject. Talk about hiding in plain sight! Here’s what Salvador has to say:
It becomes clear that the true author and cyberstalker is Robert Rosen, author of Lennon book, Nowhere Man: The Final Days of John Lennon. Eric B is a fake name used by Mr. Rosen whose recent actions indicate that he conspired with former Air Force Secretary Hans Mark to set up the assassination of ex-Beatle John Lennon. Rosen’s assignment was apparently to run a spy ring in Lennon’s apartment before his death. Rosen allegedly recruited fake witness Sean Strub who implicated Mark David Chapman immediately after the murder.
Well, that settles it. Turn yourself into the police, Rosen: you’ve just been busted by Salvador Astucia.
3. THE STEPHEN KING THEORY
Stephen Lightfoot’s website is LennonMurderTruth.com. I contacted Lightfoot for an interview, as he has one of the more unique Lennon-murder-conspiracy-theories that I’ve ever heard: Mark David Chapman didn’t actually kill John Lennon– Stephen King did. Yes, that Stephen King.
You’re probably wondering– as I did– why Stephen King would kill John Lennon. Well, Lightfoot lays it all out on his website (and in a pamphlet that you can order from him for the low, low price of just $5– and isn’t that a perfectly reasonable price to know the truth revolving around Lennon’s murder?), but I’ll be damned if I can figure out what he’s talking about. If I’m understanding this properly, Lennon was murdered by Stephen King, Nixon, and Ronald Reagan, all of them acting on behalf of the CIA and communicating through headlines in Time Magazine, Newsweek, and other similar periodicals. It’s so simple, how did we not see it before?
Here’s some of what Lightfoot has to say about those headlines:
The evidence, specifically, is government codes in the bold print headlines of Time, Newsweek, and U.S. News and World Report magazines that were printed shortly before, during, and after the night of December 8, 1980. Hints in the headlines that you won’t find anywhere else that plug into John Lennon’s assassination with up to 70% frequency at times. These government codes, which read like gallows humor; «Thinking About John Lennon…Johnny Comes Marching Home…Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang, Ouch, Ouch…The Job Richard Nixon Really Wanted…
We all miss John Lennon, and it’s good that everyone stops for a moment on this day to consider what he meant to everyone. Lennon’s murder may mean that we were robbed of 30 years’ worth of great, new music…or it could mean that we avoided seeing Lennon’s “lame period” (see also: The Rolling Stones). And we can see– with just a cursory glance around Google– that his death is still important enough to inspire crazy conspiracy theories three decades after it happened. If you’re the praying type, say one in John’s memory today, and if you’re the drinking type, pour some out for our dearly-departed homey.
And, after you’ve done that, comb through your Stephen King paperbacks for hidden codes: he might be trying to confess.
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